The Forerunner Times

"A life journal by Nathan J. Elias, called under God's grace to be His forerunner and restorer for His glory."

You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

Lyrics from The Stand by Hillsong.

This song was played along with clips from The Passion of the Christ in my church’s Good Friday service. Tomorrow there will be a chance for the congregation to share their walk with God during the Easter Sunday service, so tonight I was preparing myself for the sharing while listening to this song when suddenly I saw a vision.

I see myself in the side of the road that Jesus passed 2,000 years ago, the Via Dolorosa. There were crowds gathering, as a man passed by. The man was badly injured, there were blood stains and gaping wounds all over his body, and a crown of thorns in his head. Yes, he was Jesus. He was passing by, in front of me, carrying the cross - the burden of my sins - upon His shoulder. Suddenly I remembered the lyrics of this song. “What could I say? What could I do? But offer this heart o God completely to You.”

What could I do if I was there 2,000 years ago and Jesus passed right in front of me? Would my lips be able to say something to Him? Would my feet come rushing out to Him? Would my hands help Him to lift the cross that should have been mine? No. All that I could do was cry. Like tonight. And tonight I once again offer my heart and all that I am to Jesus. Thank you LORD for renewing my commitment in You. Thank you LORD for coming down and saving my soul. Thank you LORD for being my savior. This would be all that I can say. This would be all that I could do.

I love You, Jesus.

It’s Good Friday.

It’s one more time to remember the Nail Scarred Hands that has saved me from my sins and from eternal damnation into eternal life. The hands of a carpenter that was nailed to the cross… because of me. Sinless He might have been, He chose to bear the weight of a lost world on the cross, so that they might not perish. For He so loved the world, that He came to save those that was lost so that they might have eternal life. Look at the lives of the disciples, look at the life of one Zacchaeus, once a sinner but a sinner no more by the love of Christ.

Your love has captured me oh Lord. Your love has captivated me and compelled me to come to know You. Here I come once again oh Lord to renew my faith and my commitment in You. I’m sorry Lord if I have been deceived and led astray these last few weeks. Now I want to come home, come back to where You are. To where your Nail Scarred Hands will hug me and embrace me. To where your love will never end. I love You, Jesus.

This post is dedicated to Jesus Christ, my Lord and my Savior, on the day of rememberance that He died 2,000 years ago to save me from my sins. Thank you for your unending love, Jesus. Thank you for saving me from my sins.

Here I am, Lord, and I’m drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight

Lyrics from East To West by Casting Crowns

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God — having a form of godliness but denying its power.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

Commentaries from the Life Application Bible and the IVP Commentary explained the fifth verse this way, “The ‘form’ or appearance of godliness includes going to church, knowing Christian doctrine, using Christian clichés, and following a community’s Christian traditions. Such practices can make a person outwardly look good, but if the inner attitudes of belief, love, and worship are lacking, the public appearance is hollow, meaningless. When confronted, their inability to express their faith will reveal that beneath the ‘form of godliness’ there is only a vacuum of unbelief. They make a claim to godliness (with their claim to know God) but deny this claim with their powerless lives.”

When I decided to study more about these verses after I heard them in a late sermon, I can’t help but to wonder if the “terrible times in the last days” mentioned here has come. Reading the commentaries, I can’t help but to feel that the verse is speaking to me, reminding me of my own fall. Yes, I might be still writing articles in this blog and I might still be going to church, but sometimes I do feel my inner attitudes of belief, love and worship are missing. I often lose heart and lose hope during my trials, and that led to enormous mood swings and bad tempers that has irritated many others. When I have a bad temper, I lost my love and began filling my mind with hatred and murderous thoughts. Worse still, it has been a few months since I had a proper quiet time. Nowadays it’s really hard for me to worship God. When I’m in church, I just want to skip right over to the sermon and pass the praise and worship moments.

This reminded me about Jesus’ strong words recorded on Matthew 7:21-23, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”.

These verses talk about how working for Jesus is useless if you don’t know Jesus personally. It would be like working hard in a company where you never knew who the boss is. When a hard time comes, you come to the boss and say to him, “Boss, I know we’re facing a hard time now, but I have been working for this company 20 years, how could you just fire me?”. Imagine how would you respond if the boss replied “Get away from me. I never knew you!”, knowing still that his words were true — despite working for 20 years in the company, you never bothered to find out who you’re working for and get to know him. What would you do if it is Jesus who speak those words to you in the last day? Would you risk not knowing Him then?

I know that everything I do for Him would count for nothing if I don’t know Him personally. I could preach the Gospel to 1,000 people, write 10,000 articles in this blog or sing 100,000 songs — still it would count for nothing in the end without Jesus in me. Tomorrow we will commemorate the Good Friday, the day when He died for you and me 2,000 years ago on the cross. With His nail-scarred hands, He is coming and reaching out His hand to you and me, seeking to embrace us and free us from our sins. Would we gladly accept His call to come and know Him personally, or would we pass this chance and be lost for all eternity?

Is there really anything between black and white? Does the so-called grey area really exist? While we know that the answer is actually no, too often we fall into situations and temptations that led us to think that there IS a grey area. The Scripture has actually given us warnings about this issue, such as the one we’ve often heard in Matthew 5:37 - “Simply let your Yes be Yes and your No be No; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” It doesn’t say that there is a “maybe” or “depends”. The black and white isn’t a matter of decimals where there is anything in between and let’s not even say that black and white is just a matter of RGB (Red/Green/Blue) color combinations where there are “shades of grey”.

Since I’m not much of a theologian and more of a mathematical and logical thinker, I will try to explain my thoughts exactly with a simple equation.

If Black = ‘Sin’ and White = ‘Not Sin’
Then if Grey = ‘Not Sin ‘ means Grey = ‘White’
Or if Grey = ‘Sin’ means Grey = ‘Black’

Right?

But more often than not, our grey area is something black we’re trying to make white, not the other way around. In fact, why would someone want to think of something that is not sin as sin? Why would someone think of - for example - charity, love, or kindness as a sin? We would rather prefer to think of some sins as not sins. We would think of shoplifting as a sin, but not of cheating in an exam or pirating a movie. We would think of killing someone as a sin (and a huge one at that), but not of hating someone and thinking cruel thoughts about that person. We would think of money corruption as a sin, but we have no problems giving money to (read: bribing) a policeman to avoid a fine or ticket.

Why does it work that way? Well… wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it, but small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it (Matthew 7:13-14). For me, it means that the white area is smaller than the black one, and that there are fewer good deeds in the world than bad deeds. If it’s easier to do good than to do bad, the gate and the road that leads to life wouldn’t be so narrow, would it? If the road is wide and people can be freed from their sins on their own, then there would be no sense for Jesus to come and die for our sins, would it?

Because of this, I must remember to always be careful on every step, on every path, on every thought. A single misstep can lead me astray from the light into the darkness as the true path is narrow. I must always keep a constant reminder that there is only the black and the white, there is no grey. Everytime I am being tempted to think there is a grey area, I must say to myself that what looks grey is actually black. I must ask God to be given the strength to discern, to always be able to know the truth and choose the right choice. I pray that this will also be your prayer today, to always stay true and stay close to God. Amen.

This is a story about how my illness was healed and how my life itself has been changed by the healing of my ilness.

For those of you who have known me personally, you might have known that I have a bad case of allergic cold that I had since I was about 3 years old. This illness was very burdensome for me as everyday I have to take one pill of Actifed to fight the allergic reaction. If I forgot to take it even once, then the next day I will have a runny nose with unstoppable sneezing all day round. For years I have been praying for God to take this illness away from me. This year, my prayers were finally heard and answered, although I needed quite a measure of faith in the process.

On January 30th, 2008, I went to HSC Medical Center in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to visit a Dr. Kuljit Singh, a very good specialist in the nose-ear-throat field. He was highly recommended by a friend who was healed after he visited the doctor. Little did I know what I would face, as the doctor diagnosed me and concluded that I needed a surgery to heal this illness. After 20 years, the inner parts of my nose have became so swollen that my nasal passage is completely blocked. Because of this, I have a breathing problem, and in turn, the breathing problem led to my weak physical fitness as my oxygen intake is severely decreased. The doctor proposed to operate me the next day, and he promised that by February 1st I can already go home to Indonesia.

I was so scared, because I have a fear of blood and hospital, and once I even promised myself that I’d better die than having to stay in a hospital and having a surgery. But since I’m already in Malaysia, it would be a waste to back down and just go home without being treated. After struggling with myself, I accepted the offer. The night I couldn’t sleep, thinking of what would happen the next day. My mind began to wander, thinking of many trivial things, like “will I experience the feeling like in the movies where I’m being operated but my soul (?) wanders out of my body and I can see my body being operated from above?” or “will I have an experience like many people where they see a light, a door, a surreal, godly, spiritual, etc (?) experience?”.

On the next day, January 31st, I went to HSC once again to have some preliminary pre-surgery check-ups such as blood test, chest X-Ray and ECG. After the check-ups were done, I went to the hospital by taxi and by 12 pm I am already in a room. The surgery was scheduled for 3.30 pm. I was calm at first, but as the hour draws close, my anticipation and anxiety builds up and I quickly became very scared. After I was told to change into the surgery clothes, I lost all my calm and began SMS-ing all my close friends and spiritual leaders to ask for their prayer support. I tried to calm myself once again, but as the clock strikes 3.30 pm and my bed was being moved to the operation room, all I could do was surrender and try my best to put my faith in God and the doctors.

Arriving in the operation room, it was really like what I saw in CSI and other movies. A round room with many machines, many doctors and a big alien-like lights (or “autopsy lights” as I call it) in the middle of the room, above my bed. I was trembling and shaking with fear. The doctors noticed it and tried to calm me down. One female doctor held my hand and told me it would be okay, while the anesthetic surgeonist tried to make a conversation with me.

“Hey, I’m your anesthetic for today. Where are you from?”
“I’m from Surabaya, Indonesia.”
“Oh, nice place” (….haha, bluffing, I thought, so I asked…)
“You’ve ever been there?”
“Well, nope, but I heard there are really nice golf places there.”
“Yup, there are. You play golf?”
“Sure do. Would like to visit there one day. Anyway, first time?”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m pretty scared. Will it hurt?”
“Nope. Won’t feel a thing.”
“Alright. I will insert the drip now. You might feel a bit cold.”
(…hmmm, cold? It was more like a bit warm and tingly, I’d say, so…)
“Cold? Hmmm, more like warm. Alcohol warm.”
“Yeah? Felt like drinking some alcohol? I like Vodka, you know.”
“Hmm, well, I’d prefer some Baileys for me.”
“Baileys eh? Yeah, that drink is also nice too.”

I was going to answer that I liked the Caramel Baileys and was going to ask if he liked it too, but before I could say it, the anesthetic kicked in and I fell asleep. I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t remember anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Blank. When I woke up, it was around 5 pm and I was back in my room. I felt quite a bit dizzy and unbalanced, with a little pain on my nose — as it was plastered and stuffed with cotton — and also from the drip in my left hand. I couldn’t do or say anything else other than to thank God for caring me and taking me through the ordeal. As I couldn’t breathe very well, coupled with a runny nose, I couldn’t sleep so I end up spending the night playing my PSP. The next morning, the doctor came and undid the package in my nose. I could see some dried blood on the cotton, but not too much. The doctor told me to try inhaling and exhaling, and it felt really nice, like I haven’t been able to breathe like this for so many years, or maybe even my entire life.

February 1st, 2008 was the turning point of my life. My illness was healed, and although I still had to rely on some medications like Nasacort and Telfast until my allergy is completely healed, I felt way better than before, heck, maybe never even felt like this before. Finally I can breathe like a normal person. In the first week, I already felt that my energy level was up and my physical fitness was higher than before. I can handle more workload without quickly becoming tired and my performance on the job becomes better. Now I can manage my time better as I can do more tasks than before, and this way I felt that I’m becoming more effective for God’s purposes.

I remembered one sermon that said “if God felt that your sickness will prevent you from fulfilling His vision, mission and purpose for you, He will surely lift it from you in His own time”. Now the time has come and I’m very thankful for it. I must always remember to use this “newly given life” for Him alone. Thank you God, for hearing my prayers. Thank you Jesus, for this new life. I will be forever grateful and forever I will always be working for your glory, to be on the frontline for your purposes and your mission. It’s all that I can give back to You, even though I know that it’s not enough and that it will never be enough, LORD… as you gave it to me for free, by the blood of your son Jesus Christ.

For those of you who have the same problems with allergic cold and would like to visit the doctor:
Dr. Kuljit Singh
HSC Medical Center
Lot 3.6, Level 3, PNB Darby Park, 10 Jalan Binjai, 50450 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Tel: +60-3-2712 0903. Fax: +60-3-2712-0902
E-mail: kuljits @ pc . jaring . my

How hard is it for you to choose sides? The people of this world seems to have no problem choosing side, because they only got one side to choose, while we who have found the Truth are often still stuck between the sides. I read God’s letter to the Laodiceans more than 1900 years ago in Revelations 3:14-16 and I can’t help to wonder if this is the same problem we’re facing today. I face it even more after I entered a professional life, when confronted between the truth and the lies, the wrong and the right during our work life, which side do we choose?

Sadly, we often do compromise. We let our own wishes and dreams stand first before the wishes of the LORD. Money rules our hearts and minds, lust consumes our thoughts and conscience, and we fall into the darkness. When the LORD comes looking for steadfast warriors to stand in faith for Him, how many will He find? Will you and me stand there before Him or will we be counted among the lost? Our lips speak of total surrender while our hearts still seek to regain control. How many times have we heard someone vowing to battle Internet porn in his life while still he refuses to erase all the porn he has in his hard drives? How many times have we heard someone vowing not to go too far with his girlfriend yet continuously he continues to date her in dark and secluded places, hidden from the views of others?

I know I did. I know even I compromised. Yet the LORD still loves me and wants me back. Let’s make it a promise today to know which side to choose the next time we’re faced with a compromising situation. Let’s make a commitment that the next time God’s looking for us, we’ll be on His side. Let’s make a decision to make His dreams be ours. Let us be His warriors and His forerunners that will fight for His vision and mission in the frontline of the battle against the devil. Don’t let the god we believe in to be a god of our own minds, to only follow our wants, needs and desires, but let us believe in is the one true God under the name of Jesus Christ.

Inspired by lyrics from Somewhere in the Middle by Casting Crowns:

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
Will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

Well, I’m back, hopefully.

It’s been a long 268 days since I last wrote something in this blog. Actually I was planning to make another blog titled Rants of the King focusing on spiritual articles written in Indonesian so that churches and organizations can pick it up to use in their publications, but my lack of time had made me unable to fulfill that dream (designing a blog can take a consuming amount of time) and seeing that this blog still works perfectly fine, here I am back again. Oh, and you might want to install the Calibri font to view this blog, because I have updated this blog’s template to use that font because it has better readability. If you don’t have Microsoft Office 2007, download the font pack here and install it, okay?

First things first, let’s start with a scoop of what I’m doing at the moment, okay?

Since September 2007, I have decided to move out from my old church to another one. Now I’m ministering in Christ Mercy Center (CMC). It is located on Ruko Panji Makmur D23-D25, Jl. Panjang Jiwo 46-48 Surabaya. Be sure to pay a visit when you’re in town, our Youth Celebration Day (or maybe you’ll call it Sunday Service) is every Sunday on 10 am. Currently we are gearing our ministries more towards university students, because this church was first established by a group of alumni from Surabaya University (Ubaya). Most of our ministers and our members are from Ubaya, and we’re also planning to minister in Petra Christian University soon.

For the outside movement, we are establishing evangelistic teams to be sent to small cities and villages like Kediri, Tulungagung, Blitar and so on — basically to places where the Gospel hasn’t reached and where most people won’t want to minister. Why some people would want to minister to other countries while there are still so many places in Indonesia where the Gospel hasn’t been preached yet is beyond me. Right now due to my busy schedule I’m confined to the inside movement, tending and counselling the university students, sometimes writing articles for the church bulletin and also attending the Young Professionals community. I haven’t practiced singing for a long time and I seem to have lost some of my musical aptitude, so now I’m gearing my ministries more towards writing, mentoring and counselling.

In my personal life, I’m starting a relationship with a friend I’ve first met in 2005 but had to leave for one year during my time in Singapore. I proposed her on May, 5th 2007 and she agreed on the condition that both of our parents must agree to our relationship. By one week, my parents already gave their green light for the relationship, but her parents wanted me to wait until she graduates from her bachelor degree. It means that I roughly have to wait until August or September 2008, and as of today I have been waiting for a little more than 10 months.

I am very thankful to God for giving such a precious someone like her to my life, and I also thank Him for the strength He has given me to wait these ten months. I’m surrendering my life and my relationship in God’s hands, and I believe that if she is truly the one for me, God will open up a way for us. Now that there’s only less than half a year to wait, my hopes are so high and my faith for this relationship is increasing. She has truly been the light of my life, always helping me in the times I sometimes stumble and fall. Her spiritual maturity and love for God has made me very sure about her, but I must learn not to trust my own judgements and my own heart, but only to trust in the LORD’s judgement and time. Hopefully by the end of it all, my wishes would be the same with God’s wishes.

Oh, and before I end this, like all good marketers out there, I should give this post a shameless plug. Right now I’m working on an IT solutions company called Multi Star Electronics. If you’re in Surabaya, Indonesia and you need computers, printers, notebooks or servers, don’t hesitate to contact me and leave a message. My company is the Premier Business Partner (Master Dealer) and Authorized Service Provider of Hewlett-Packard products in Surabaya and East Indonesia, and also an IBM-Lenovo Business Partner. So if you’re looking for IT solutions that consists of HP or IBM products, you know where to contact me.

This is it for now. I’ll update this blog with more posts soon, hopefully. Please pray for me so that I can find the time to write more articles to bless others despite of my busy and jam-packed schedule.