The Forerunner Times

"A life journal by Nathan J. Elias, called under God's grace to be His forerunner and restorer for His glory."

It’s been quite a long time since I last posted something about my faith in here…

These days, I have actually become lost. I became the missing son. After the three weeks mission on my holiday back home, a temptation came to me I knew it was the voice of the devil. It convinced me that I will face loneliness, and he offered me a way to face the loneliness. A way that I should never take, a way that not only should I knew it was wrong, but the fact was that, at that moment, I already knew it was wrong.

God gave me clear warnings against it. First through my mind, then through the Scripture, twice. When I would not listen and continued to stray in the path of darkness, He warned me again, this time through sermons, twice. Yet I still would not listen. Finally I closed my conscience and went towards the dark path. But just as I opened the door to the darkness, God prevented me and blocked all paths towards the place where I cannot return from.

Was I happy that God prevented me from sinning? No. Instead I ran away from Him. I ran away from His house and I ran away from His presence, seeking my own desires and fulfillment away from Him. Then my life went down with it, and without God, everything seems to drag me down towards despair.

Still, God was faithful, and He called me back. My birthday. I am 23 years old now. I was involved in a play for the youth about the Prodigal Son. Then I realized that I am the Prodigal Son. I have to come back home. My Father is waiting for me, and He is willing to forgive me. So I came back, and there He was, waiting for me with open arms, waiting for me to return, and He embraced me with His light.

I am back home. But it is difficult to mend a broken relationship. I was so close to Him but now I have to reach out again for Him and gain that closeness and intimacy I had with Him before. I have learned my lesson. Never again shall I stray from the path of the Lord. I shall dwell by His house forever.

God, help me to be close again to you. To feel Your presence. To feel You here with me.

Comments:
This is a nice, warm and heartful song that is full of meaning. I first listened to Bump of Chicken when I was playing the “Tales of the Abyss” RPG, where they cover the main song titled Karma, which is another good song from Bump of Chicken, though I like this one better. This song is very soothing and a lot of people seems to like it too, considering the huge amount of positive reviews this single has received on the Internet. Truly a song that can warm your heart and make you think more about life and its meanings. Sometimes we take our lives for granted, but this song has a lot to say about the importance of the “small things in life”, memories and happiness. When life has passed and your clocks have run up, look back and find the happiness in the memories of small but meaningful little things. A song I would recommend to everyone to listen.

Alone is being in a crowd of people
     yet not being able to share soul to soul with one of them
Alone is when you hug a pillow
     and longed to be hugged back with love and warmth
Alone is when you are the only one
     who notices a beautiful tree, flower, bird, mountain or sunset
Alone is suffering sadness, joy or excitement
     and knowing that nobody else feels it the same way
Alone is sharing something with someone
     and finding they don’t care or understand
Alone is having an ache that doesn’t give up
     like having a funeral going on inside all the time
Alone is going to sleep
     because the pain of staying awake is too much to bear
Alone is finding someone who loves, cares and understands
     and yet having to part because God forbids it
Alone is hearing “I will never leave you nor forsake you”
     and yet never seeing or feeling the evidence of this
Alone is praying to emptiness
     I am alone – I cannot flee from it or change it. I can only end it.

Taken from “Taming Your Emotional Tigers” (1998) by Tony Ward