Six Years Backsliding, Holding On
Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
They see the works of the LORD,
And His wonders in the deep.
For He commands and raises the stormy wind,
Which lifts up the waves of the sea.
They mount up to the heavens,
They go down again to the depths;
Their soul melts because of trouble.
They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
And are at their wits’ end.
Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people,
And praise Him in the company of the elders.
~ Psalm 107 (Thanksgiving to the LORD for His Great Works of Deliverance) ~
Yesterday,
A day of blessings. Even in the midst of the worst day of my stomach acid illness, I pushed myself and relied upon the LORD to carry me through the ministry. As I rode the taxi to the church, I saw a little cross hanging upon the rear view mirror, just like the one I had worn before as a necklace before this one. It was God’s sign of love, a proclamation that “I have watched over you and cared for you, even since the beginning, the past, the present and into the future”. It was a great experience of putting my entire trust on the LORD, and the LORD heed and answered my call. Truly, there is none like the LORD, so loving and so merciful, that listens to even the most trivial need of His children. I shall continue to trust the LORD for the rest of my life.
But today,
My temperament issues were at the worst moments it could be. Six years backsliding, went back to the point in 2001 where I did the same immature thing. Shouted at people, blamed other people for my own mistakes, kick things in anger (this time it’s a steel trash bin, back then it was my friend). As I was getting nearer and closer towards the destination, the attacks intensified. When my spiritual and ministry life leaves no holes in the wall to be attacked (thanks to the prayers and supports from brothers and sisters at GPO), the enemy decided to break down my daily life, which holds more troubles and temptations. Succeed he may be at this moment, but there is always tomorrow, and I have belief in tomorrow that the LORD will carry me up under His wings with love and truth.
Lead me o LORD, do not let me walk alone in this, for I cannot do this on my own. Ye hath promised “there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it”. Lead my soul, grant it rest, make way for my escape, for I can no longer bear this, o LORD. No longer that I want to hurt others, no longer that I want my words to pierce the hearts of others. May my words be those of loving kindness, not despise, hatred, vengeance, malevolence, rejection, envy, lies and deceit.
Teach me o LORD, change my heart o GOD, mold me, make me so I may be like You. Else people will say “Where is your God? Where is He now in your daily life? Is He only there in the church, that you are free to do as you please outside the church?” O GOD, let not me be a stumbling block for others, but a blessing. Even though the path might be difficult, be with me, bear with me, hold me and carry me through. In You only I trust. None is like You. Forgive my trespasses o LORD, that I might start anew, and truly be a light for your Mighty Name.
Even though I might fall, I shall rise again.
I will not let myself be defeated, my God shall carry me.
Through the storms of life, I may travail.
But I shall not be afraid, for my God shall be with me.
He will not leave me, nor will he forsake me.
Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, His mercy endureth forever.
May the name of the LORD be praised.
