Seeking My Own Image
This is a small project I want to do for myself and I need your help.
For years, it is quite unknown for me what kind of person I actually am. I have not realized that I may have a crisis of self-image until only recently. I might have looked upon to many ‘idols’ in my life and assimilated them into my personality that in the end, I do not have a core personality of my own, but I am only a mixed-up product of many others.
The simplest example, ever since I got my PlayStation back then on high school, I played a lot of RPGs and I have modeled myself to a lot of them. Most notably are Cloud Strife (FFVII), which I shared a lot of personality with, like past bitterness, feeling of loneliness, seeking of forgiveness and helping the needy - to the point that I can relate with him in the Advent Children story; and Squall Leonheart (FFVIII) which I copied a lot in terms of physical likeness (hair model, hair color, clothings) which in the end made me a bit like Gackt too. Those two are the most prominent ones I can think of.
There are also other idols from movies and these are the ones I copied a lot, and many people have noticed I can change myself to resemble a movie character I just watched and liked, but often these do not stay long. At the moment, the prominent ones from this category are Capt. Jack Sparrow and Death Note’s L. Which, combined, makes me a bit of a quirky person and many people have even described as girly. I should have copied from the ‘better’ ones such as The Last Samurai’s Algren or Lord of the Rings’ Aragorn, but these characters are deeper and thus harder to assimilate. This is also the reason why, as many people have suggested to me, I cannot imitate Jesus.
This is where your help is essential. For those of you who have known me (even better if you know me in real life), leave a message in the comment system about your description of me as a whole. Be as detailed as possible, maybe noting my strength and weaknesses, interests, hobbies, preferences, special things or maybe little things you note about me and basically anything you can think on your mind about ‘truly what kind of person Nathan is according to me’. Don’t worry if you write it very long, I will be copying all your descriptions into a Word file, so if things get too slow to load I might delete some of the earlier comments that I have copied. Feel free to say and describe anything about me and go to great lengths for it. You can write in either English or Indonesian, it is up to you. Or if you like to be more personal, you can e-mail me at chaoticblue at gmail dot com.
Your help will be very much appreciated, thank you.
aaww… blue! you are a true blue! i think that’s brave to ask people to evaluate you and say what they think of you. wel, its my first serious look at your blog, and im not gonna let u down on this one. now, i dont know u at all, and i can only judge u by what my humaness can sniff from our fcf files and encounters. haha…
blue, i think has brains. obviously smart and intelligent in his own way. we’re not far from age so, for someone who can express himself very clearly to a bunch of people he has never met is quite commendable. he has no problems communicating his opinions on certain matters, and does well to choose where to post, and which ones not to take on. because fcf is mainly very christian, it’s hard to find negative stuff from anyone, especially those who can hide their dark personality well. some people come out as unlikeable and easily irritable but that vulnerability to simple words can just come out from a simple misunderstanding of semantics, cultural difference, not good enough grasp of the english language etc. so, i havent seen a lot of bad things from blue. his drinking is a debatable issue, cuz, i recetnly discovered not all of fcfers disagree with alcohol, which for me is a negative image in and of itself already. mine myt be a lousy judge of ur personality especially since i dont normally interact with anyone i dont know in real life. maybe its best for people who see you in “activities of daily living” … =)
cheers! be happy! Trust Jesus. Love people. Take your focus away from yourself, what you’ve done. where you’ve failed. how much of a sinner you are. and turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Comment by kasia!! — January 10, 2007 @ 6:48 am
For me, you’re a very unique person. I guess it’s part of His grand design for your personality to be that way. I dunno how to express my feeling towards your personality, since we don’t really share things together that much or whatsoever. But I can see a little bit of your true feeling during times when you put up post, comments, either in your blog, forum, or other place else. You are a very frank person, a person who’s more daring than shy, but on the end, i see you as a good person in its own uniqueness.
hahaha, seems like i’m making things more ambiguous. hope things are fine on your end. God bless n keep up the fervent spirit.
Comment by iyem — January 11, 2007 @ 10:25 pm