Distance
There is a growing distance that I have to reach back between me and Jesus. Ever since I left Him that day on 25 December, I have never been able to win back that distance. Chette said that “Satan will destroy what is not his” and I think that during those last days in the previous year, I has been hit down hard. I lost all trace of relationships with Him during the three days with my family here where my schedule suddenly became so hectic and God become out of the picture. Just when my relationship with Him was getting closer and He was in all aspects in my life, I got knocked down hard and now struggling to reach that “summit” again.
It has been bad.
I lost my 40-days of Purpose Driven Life reading continuity in about the 12th day. Ever since I went on to read the 13th day onward, it has not been the same, I have not received the same kind of blessings and insights I previously got during the first 12 days. I tried to write to my journal but I could not jot down anything. I became so prone to the old sins I thought I have finally conquered in my life. All the peace and joy were missing during these days. It was like I fell down from the mountain of God and now how to retrace my steps again back to Him. It seems that now, there is a distance between me and God, and I know too well from Isaiah 59:1-2 that it is my sins and iniquities that have made that distance.
I cried during last Sunday’s Holy Communion service. How many times must God’s body be broken and His blood be shed to cleanse my sins? How worthless I am not to be able to repay, but to continue dwelling in the same sins over and over again? I feel disappointed with myself and I’m not sure if God would have felt the same. At this moment, the only verse that rings in my head is this one:
“For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.”
(Proverbs 24:16, KJV)
This verse gave me strength to rise again in my past trials, when I fell down hard and felt like I was a worthless man. This verse gave me belief of a better tomorrow, that our trials are there to make us stronger, to make us more like Christ. I will never surrender to the enemy. I shall keep on walking and find my God. My bond shall not be broken. God shall gave me the strength to move on. May the name of the LORD be blessed and glorified.
We’re getting stronger everyday, we’re getting braver in every way,
Hallelujah here we come.
We’re getting stronger everyday, push through the rains that fall our way,
Hallelujah here we come.
We’re getting closer everyday, chasing the dreams that heaven gave,
Hallelujah here we come.
